Let’s Kick 2018 Right in the Dick



So 2017 has certainly been an interesting and adventurous year in the world of ol’ JP.

I’ve made numerous advancements in my professional life, developed an extensive list of new and powerful contacts, forged some excellent new relationships, and above all, had a blast doing it.

These last few weeks however have been riddled with challenges to say the least.

I’ve experienced a few personal losses that certainly left their mark, took a rough loss in the political realm on the chin like a beast, and then just when I thought I had bounced back from a debilitating illness that chewed me up like so much rock-hard bubblegum from inside of baseball card packs from the 80’s, I managed to gracefully eat shit the other night and break the ever-loving fuck out of my shoulder.

While I’m especially pissed about that last little chestnut, I’ve been using some of the down time to chart my course for the utter destruction of this coming year.

I fully plan on leveraging what I’ve been able to produce and build in this past year to develop the most dominant professional, financial, and personal lifestyle of achievement in my three and a half decades on this rock.

I have numerous new business ventures and strategic partnerships in the works, a handful of political strategies to unleash and implement, some limiting or challenging obstacles to eradicate, and I’ll be breaking new ground as well as re-rentering old territory on the physical front by exploring new challenges and returning to the fight world with a vengeance.

Simply put, 2018 is going to be a supermodel sixty-nine of a year for JP, and I eagerly await getting balls deep in this next chapter of the millennium, but I want as many of you to join me on this panty raid as possible so I’m reaching out to you with my one good arm via this keyboard, with a Bombay rocks to my right, and Gaga on the Bose to tell you what I have up my non-slung sleeve for you.

In order for you to join me in my quest to defile the coming year and leave it in a quivering heap, like a pathetic, lesser man after facing rejection at the loosest of “all welcome” walk-in brothels, I’ve created a few awesome options for you to choose from.

Take a look at these bad mo fo’s:


TEAM PAIN January 2018

TEAM PAIN is my twelve-week course that allows you to join a team of individuals who are hell bent on making lasting change in their bodies, and getting in the sickest, nastiest shape of their lives.

For the last three years I’ve coached close to a hundred trainees through these courses and the results have been nothing less than incredible, with many participants coming back for more in later classes.

The September 2017 class has been one of the most successful classes to date, as I’ve overhauled the programming and format consistently in order to deliver the best possible product.

As a participant in this course, you receive weekly, customized programming, based on your goals and fitness level, direct from me, with constant feedback via email and text message along the way.

The work is hard and very demanding (though entirely scaled and tailored to your fitness level and/or specific challenges). I do not hold your hand, and I expect you to leave it all on the floor at the end of your sessions, but I ensure you that those who give these classes their all are ecstatic about the results that they produce over the course of the twelve weeks.

If you want to know what it’s like to be trained by me personally day-in-day-out, and are up for an intense and extremely demanding physical and mental challenge, this course is for you.

If you’re ready to sign up now, you’ll be able to in a minute, but read on first to hear what I have in store with the next option…


Six and Twelve Session Personal Coaching Packages (With an Unprecedented BONUS)

If you’re ready to take your entire life by the balls and shape it into the masterpiece that it absolutely can and should be like Kate Upton in a barely-buttoned men’s dress shirt moaning as she works her hands over wet clay on a wheel to make something infinitely more beautiful than that shitty “ash tray”/”trinket holder that looked like the petrified shell of an overcooked Stouffer’s stuffed pepper found in Incan ruins that you made for your mother in second grade art class, some straight one-on-one time with JP is exactly what you need.

Unless you just popped out of the ass end of a birthing Yak, you’re no doubt aware that I’ve produced countless success stories with my Personal Coaching clients for just shy of a decade now.

I work with people from all walks of life on a wide variety of different subjects to assist them in producing the quality of life that they desire.

Whether it’s overcoming irrational fears or phobias, developing entrepreneurial endeavors to exit the workplace or just produce a new income stream, beefing up communication skills to make one more effective in all social environments, learning and mastering new leadership skills, or navigating the intricate dynamic that exists between the sexes to ensure a vibrant life, padded with frequent and high-quality sex, I’ve been your man for some time now.

Right now you can score a crazy deal on Six or Twelve One-on-One, Personal Coaching sessions with me at a massive savings.

The Six session deal saves you $200 off of the normal price, and the Twelve session deal saves you a whopping $500!

…but as if that wasn’t enough I’ve decided to offer something I’ve never offered before as part of this “Kick 2018 in the Dick” campaign…

Anyone who purchases a Six or Twelve session Personal Coaching package will also receive full Access to the TEAM PAIN January 2018 class for ZERO additional charge!

That’s right, the savings there is almost too much to do the math on for me right now considering this broken shoulder has seriously fucked with my sleep the last few nights and I’m probably a bit delirious, but yes, you’ll get ALL of the One-on-One sessions with me on the phone, as well the ability to take part in the baddest fitness and body transformation training class on the planet, and all at an unprecedented discount.

Whether you want to dive in for the full, three-hole rodeo and opt for the Personal Coaching/TEAM PAIN option, or you say to me, “You know what JP, I already got all the power, money, and sex I need, I just want a badder physique” and choose to just join up for TEAM PAIN, you will not see a deal like this one again.

Now as you can imagine, I’m not offering this indefinitely, and I can’t take on too many people for this, so I’m only accepting a handful of you, and I’m closing registration next Friday, December 22, at midnight at the very latest.

TEAM PAIN slots sell out quick, and I only offer 6-8 per class, so there’s a damn good chance this entire deal will be taken down well before the 22nd, so I highly encourage you to act now and get aboard this choo choo so we can run a proper train on this motherfucker come January 1.

You know you want to be a part of this, and unless you’re a huge pussy who wants to bitch and complain about how things aren’t the way he wants them to be in his life instead of picking his dick up from the dirt and doing something about his situation, you can rest assured that I want you on board with the rest of us as well.

Get on this guys, I’m already doing my dick-kick stretches over here, limbering up for the new year. I need you guys to show me you’re ready to boot this fucker through the uprights right alongside me by getting your assess registered NOW.

Talk soon Bad Asses,


Click the banner below to view these killer deals, and select your plan of attack for dick-kicking 2018 NOW!



Seven Characteristics of a Man of Power


This is a short list of some of the characteristics that are shared by what I refer to as “Men of Power”, aka who we should all aspire to be in order to live the most badass, fulfilling lives possible. My upcoming release “Money, Muscle, and Sex: Becoming a Man of Power” will expound on these, and other, topics in greater detail, but for now, here’s a look at some of what separates the men of power from the men of mediocrity.

(***Important: Read on to the end for a message from me regarding new developments in my life, and a fantastic opportunity for you***)

Read the rest of this page »


Greyskull LP Third Edition is Here!!


The wait is over guys, the third edition is here!!

I worked my ass off on this one, and it is far and away the best GSLP ever released.

AT over 290 pages, it’s more than twice the size of the second edition and is loaded with new information and bonus content.

If you pre-ordered the book, it should be in your mailbox already. If not, get your copy today. Read the rest of this page »


Call of Duty


 “Those who have the privilege to know have the duty to act, and in that action are the seeds of new knowledge”.

The above quote is one of my favorites, and one that has stuck with me for many years.

I was recently reminded of these words during a conversation with a friend about the differences between spending and investing ones time, and between producing and consuming, being a man of value.

This guy has been experiencing some down times in his life over the past two years. He’s a great guy with a great heart, but as of late, like has happened to so many of us, he’s been living a depressed existence, largely devoid of much enjoyment or pride in his actions.

He recently kicked a pretty serious drug habit that had rained down holy terror on his life for some time.

He’d missed out on a few great opportunities for employment due to his addiction, had ruined a great relationship with a wonderful girl, and had largely alienated himself, as so many addicts do, from most of his family.

Despite the fact that he’d racked up a massive victory in overcoming the life stealing compulsion that had taken the reigns in his life for so long, he found himself fixating on the destruction that his choices and actions had caused, and was trudging through his days with little hope or ambition that his future would ever be much more than his present. Read the rest of this page »


Born Again Hard


After yesterday’s post Changing Your Identity I received an awesome email from Marco, a west coast client of mine who I worked with from late 2015 until his business travels resulted in a pause in his Coaching this past November. It was great to hear from him as always, and he reported that he had checked in on the site yesterday for the first time in a while (he’s in a pretty austere location at the moment) after receiving my email. He shared with me some thoughts on his experience over the past year that I thought were outstanding.

I reached out to Marco after his email and asked him for permission to post a portion of his message on here, as I believe that some of you may also enjoy sharing in Marco’s success. Read the rest of this page »


Changing Your Identity


The idea for this post came to me while I was weighing my options as to how I could shake the Cartel assassins that were after me after a massive cocaine deal gone bad. They’d told me that they were “even going to kill the goldfish“, implying that no one around me was safe…

Actually that last part is only partially true, I was actually eating a hoagie from Mike and Emma’s and watching frilled neck lizards run on their hind legs on youtube (gets me every time), and I don’t even own a goldfish (obviously out of fear of the fate that they would succumb to if I were to botch a massive cocaine deal with the Cartel).

In any case the idea of changing your identity is something that I discuss frequently with my Coaching clients. Nine times out of ten we’re speaking figuratively, as will be discussed in this article. If you fall into the more literal camp though don’t worry, JP’s got a couple of Chinamen over on Arch street that can have you up and running with a passport, birth certificate, and library card while you wait for about a buck and a half. Read the rest of this page »


Blacking Out


This post was inspired by a conversation I had with a guy I hadn’t seen since high school the other day, which echoed the sentiments expressed to me by quite a few of my clients in the beginning stages of our work together.

As a favor to a friend I was meeting with another guy about getting him a job with the county. Since I’m always on the go, and love dropping into new places, I chose a meet location close to his current residence, seeing as how he did not drive, a small, once booming dive bar that had changed hands years ago and seemingly had become something of a haven for those living a rather depressing existence. Read the rest of this page »


More Than This…


A few nights ago I stepped into a bar in which I had never been. It was late, the place was open, I had just left a fundraiser dinner, and I was not quite ready to call it a night. Being a social person by nature I enjoy such excursions, particularly in new environments and around new people.

The scene was pretty wild. The crowd was young for the most part, the drinks were stout, and the music was loud.

As is typical in such settings, there were a handful of marginally attractive girls dancing awkwardly and a horde of eager, young men in backwards hats, ill-fitting untucked dress shirts, and sneakers that cost more than their checking account balance hovering about, all looking to earn the privilege of buying one of these irrationally confident princesses a vodka and red bull in hopes of sloppily making out later, and/or potentially taking a trip to planned parenthood in the days to come for a script to clear up the case of chlamydia that they rightfully earned. Read the rest of this page »


Rest in Peace


Death is perhaps the only absolute certainty in the life of any man. It comes for us all, can strike without warning, and from it there is no return.

It’s said that knowledge of our own mortality is what separates us from animals. Some choose to use this knowledge of their ever depreciating time on this earth to motivate their push towards an excellent showing in life, while others painfully squander their precious breaths languishing in a situation that is less than what they are ultimately capable of producing for themselves.

One simple exercise that I use with Coaching clients that I have observed to be immensely powerful in solidifying one’s decision to change is the composition of a eulogy for their former self. Read the rest of this page »


Acta Non Verba


“Actions, not words”.

This simple mantra has helped me tremendously in overcoming my times of hardship, and arguably even more so in those times of abundance when it’s all too easy to get comfortable.

It takes next to no effort to speak of doing something, whether outwardly, vocalizing it to yourself or others, or inwardly via your internal dialogue. Read the rest of this page »