22 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Johnny Pain

22thingsjp2

This post was originally published in May of 2013. It was authored by my dear pal Devin, “D-Train”, “GNS”, “D3”, Coleman. I was recently encouraged to give it a bump, so here it is for your entertainment.

-JP

Here are some fun facts you might not know about your favorite Proper Villain, Johnny Pain.

1.  JP suffered a high cervical neck break in 2002 on a CH-47 jump and spent the weekend in a coma unbeknownst to anyone before being discovered in his room on Monday morning.

2.  JP once ate 29 plates of crab legs and single handedly caused a popular chain restaurant to cease their all you can eat crab leg promotion.

3.  JP’s Dad, “Chickendick” was an Olympic hopeful for track and field. He medaled in all events at the first Penn Relays and ran a 4:07 mile when the current world record was 4:03. He didn’t compete in track and field his senior year after JP’s grandfather was severely injured drag racing motorcycles for money.

4.  JP’s top 3 cigars are: the La Flor Dominicana Double Ligero 700,the Cohiba XV, and the Cuban Monte Cristo “la A”

5.  JP is credited with starting the Philadelphia bouncer trend of carrying 1lb dead blow body hammers to knock out unruly patrons without causing serious injury.

6.  In 5th grade JP was a huge Billy Ray Cyrus fan. He used to emulate his dance moves regularly.

7.  JP’s favorite band of all time is The Highwaymen.

8.  JP’s first tattoo was the logo from the Boston hardcore band “Blood for Blood”.

9.  In 2003, after leaving the military, JP turned down a security contractor job overseas, the major deciding factor was he did not want to leave his dog.

10.  JP always smells of Curve, Gucci Guilty, or Versace Man.

11.  JP read at a 12th grade level while in 2nd grade and had short stories published in college literary magazines while in elementary school.

12.  At 5 years old JP was the youngest child in the school district’s history to be accepted into their gifted program after scoring a 168 on their IQ test.

13.  JP’s childhood dream was to be a Paleontologist. He is credited with a correction made in the 2nd edition publishing of a book on dinosaurs he checked out of in the public library.

14.  One of JP’s favorite foods is SPAM, a throwback staple food from his modest upbringing.

15.  JP shits himself accidentally more than the overwhelming majority of adults. He averages about 6 per year.

16.  One of JP’s hobbies is cutting hair, a skill developed while in the military. He regularly provides haircuts to friends and employees.

17. In elementary school JP was something of a saxophone prodigy. He quit playing when he was told the only way to keep receiving free lessons through the school was to join the marching band.

18.  JP weighed about 140lbs when he graduated high school.

19.  JP was a singer in, and toured with two hardcore bands in the early 2000s and has recorded hip hop and outlaw country records as well.

20.  JP has a phobia of anything to do with the human foot.

21.  JP’s other quirky phobias are tomatoes, tornados, and moving trains.

22.  While serving as a paratrooper JP would not jump out of an aircraft without an oatmeal cream pie in his cargo pocket, and a bean burrito from Taco Bell in his butt pack.

 

Devin Coleman is JP’s behind the scene, right hand man of Villain International. In addition to being JP’s training partner, he oversees the day to day operations of all things Villain and serves as JP’s driver. He is a 6’4” 270lbs man mountain on his way to a hard 300lbs by year’s end. You can follow him on Twitter (@DevinGNS) or on the strengthvillain.com forum (Devin_GNS) or catch him eating, drinking, training, or engaging in raunchous, debaucherous adventures alongside JP in many fine establishments in southeastern Pennsylvania or around the world.

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