Acta Non Verba
“Actions, not words”.
This simple mantra has helped me tremendously in overcoming my times of hardship, and arguably even more so in those times of abundance when it’s all too easy to get comfortable.
It takes next to no effort to speak of doing something, whether outwardly, vocalizing it to yourself or others, or inwardly via your internal dialogue.
You would be hard pressed to find someone who does not speak of becoming more successful in some aspect of their life, at least internally, on a regular basis.
“going to make this better“
“going to get into or back into shape“
“going to fix this financial mess“
“going to make the wife/girlfriend respect me and treat me right“.
Since the dawn of time there has never been a shortage of well-intentioned people internally or outwardly verbalizing their plans for success. Those that become successful and produce change on the other hand, are fewer and farther between yet all share the common thread of acting more than they speak/think when it comes to advancing their position in life.
I’m reminded of a phrase that I heard long ago on the subject of relationships that applies to practically every other situation in which a man seeks success.
“You can’t negotiate desire”.
This idea in the relationship context means that a man in an unhappy, sexless marriage or relationship cannot, through words, convince his woman to want to blow him at random and jump his bones when he walks through the door. No amount of “logical” conversation regarding his merits, his contributions to the relationship, his love for her, or his “nice guy” status will have any effect on her desire to bang him silly (in reality it will have the opposite effect, and further decrease his odds of getting laid).
No amount of “contract” creation where the man does more of certain chores and duties around the house, spends more time with the kids, takes out the trash, buys flowers, or anything else implemented in an unspoken, perceived “tit for tat” manner will get him laid.
“You can’t negotiate desire”.
In order for this man to reverse the frigidity of his significant other, he has to become the man that she (and all other women) want to bang. This happens through comprehensively increasing his value to the world by building his body, minding his appearance, focusing on his greater mission (women never actually want to be the number one thing in your life; make them that and you’ll lose them quickly), learning new skills, taking charge, leading, being the man that opens the floodgates and inspires the tingly feelings.
This cannot be had overnight, but then again nothing worth having can.
When a man does these things truly for his own betterment, and devoid of the “if X than Y” contract pattern that I discuss in “Blueprint to Beast“, meaning that he is not doing it for the purpose of changing her behavior but rather for the purpose of increasing his value, which will in turn affect her behavior, he is enlightened and will continue to grow and succeed.
His attractiveness in her eyes will increase exponentially, as it will in the eyes of others. The result here may be the sex he desired, or, in the event that the relationship was not salvageable for some other reason, he will certainly be in a better position to receive as a free man back “on the market”.
It’s a win/win proposition for the man who decides to act instead of futilly attempting to negotiate desire.
This idea extends well beyond just sex and relationships however. You are no more capable of negotiating the desire of anyone to meet your needs or outcomes in anything else than you are with a (seemingly)frigid wife (I say seemingly because though she may have not wanted to bang you, she would have done all sorts of dirty things to *insert Hollywood star or other crush here*, YOU just weren’t your most attractive self).
If you’ve ever watched an episode of “Shark Tank” on TV, you’ve no doubt witnessed an entrepreneur pitching an idea to the “sharks” only to have their pleas for an investment denied after having the wrong answer to the inevitable question,
“What are your sales?”
No investor wants to inject their hard earned money into an idea that has not been proven. These folks did not arrive at their station in life by being so careless. Of course the entrepreneur presenting the idea will swear to the panel that their product is bound to be a hit, and will attempt to dazzle them with “projected” numbers, but the fact remains that if they are unable to show them what they have already accomplished, their chances of getting a dime out of the investors is next to nothing.
No fighter gets pay per view headline fights without establishing a record that warrants that investment of time, money, and energy by the promoter and others who are deeply vested in the success of the program.
No ball player gets signed to a multi-million dollar contract without demonstrating that he is among the best in the world at his sport, something that comes not from talking about practicing and competing, but from actually doing it.
No man who spends countless hours on the web, at seminars, or with his nose in books and magazines ever gains a pound of muscle, loses an ounce of fat, or develops an iota of strength until he hits the gym and makes the plates clank.
No matter what it is that you want to achieve, or what area of your life you wish to improve, it is impossible to make forward progress without action.
Words will not get you there, actions will.
Once you divorce yourself from the perpetual motion machine of doubts and limiting beliefs that runs incessantly in your mind when you consider your potential for becoming the man that you want to be, the man who women want and men want to be like, you are free to act and ascend to your rightfully earned position on your throne.
Actions, not words.