Be Cool

by Innes Randall

Enough is enough with the self-congratulation these days. This fucking “me decade” makes me want to puke. It’s tough for me to watch an NFL game these days because every tackle and every first down is a cause for a celebration. I especially love it when a player points to the sky to thank some God for a first down. Like your God gives a shit that you just made a first down. I’m waiting for someone to thank the fucking Easter Bunny or some shit. How about the players that point to the back of their jersey every time they do something halfway decent on the field? They aren’t team-driven, they only care about themselves.

Why is it not embarrassing for a grown man to perform a touchdown dance in front of 80,000 people? It embarrasses the hell out of me just to watch. And Ray Lewis? Give me a break. Yes, he’s a good player. But that shit before the game? Me, me, me. That’s what he’s all about. Here’s what should happen to Ray Lewis: every time an offensive lineman knocks him down or successfully blocks him, they should perform a dance over him. Dance their asses off right in his face. Do the funky monkey every time.

It’s in all sports except a few, really. I saw a soccer match the other day and the dumbass who scored a goal took his pants off. Nice job. At least baseball is still cool. Jeter and Utley hit a home run and act like they expect to be there. I tried to watch bullriding the other day. True tough guys. Balls to the wall. One guy rode 8 seconds and did a moonwalk. Brutal shit.

You see it in Powerlifting, too. There’s the loudmouth coach who’s dying for attention in the warmup room. You know the guy – he quotes Louie and announces everything that his lifter has done in training. Classic. Someone please tell him that it isn’t about him. At all. And then you have the competitor with his arms out like he has Yates lats and fucking cutoff jean shorts halfway up his ass. He usually bombs out and blames everyone but himself for his pussiness. “Its the judges, it’s the monolift, it’s the squat suit.” It’s you, motherfucker, and it always will be you.

Alright, here is what I’d like to see. Everyone act like Ed motherfucking Coan. He wraps his own knees. He doesn’t yell or scream or draw attention to himself. He doesn’t jump up and down. Would he have deadlifted more than 901 at 220 if he had acted like a fool before he lifted? You tell me. Break the fucking mold. If everyone acts like a fool these days, and that’s the norm, go the opposite way. Act cool.

Innes Randall is a veteran lifter and Coach who has amassed a wealth of experience in the Strength and Conditioning world over the course of a long career. He will be a regular contributor to


11 Responses

  1. Vim

    Absolutely loved this.

    Everyone seems to have this completely undeserved self-confidence these days. I mean, how can the most average of average people, walk around like theyve achieved greatness? People who wont shut the fuck up about how awesome they are. When theyve done NOTHING. I mean, im just talking about most of the people ive met, and im 20 years old. These people have gone to school, then college, then maybe university. Great. We’ve done fuck all with our lives so far, but at least i know it.

    And thats the general public. You give one of these twats a jersey and some TV coverage, they become self appointed Gods. Problem is, people actually worship them.

    Pisses me off no end. But then absolutley everything does these days 😉

    And nice tattoo 🙂

    November 19, 2010 at 1:28 am

  2. Aaron


    November 19, 2010 at 5:51 am

  3. Scott Beall

    Dig it! I gotta say that a stupid ass dance is funny every now and then. But yeah, gay ass ego-strokin too.

    And as a Bible believing Christian, the statement, “Like your God gives a shit that you just made a first down,” is right on!

    November 19, 2010 at 8:11 am

  4. forrest

    I agree with just about all thoughts there. It has become a “me” atmosphere in the professional world of sports, thats why im more often drawn to college sports. Many of those those guys know they are not going to the next level, so its all heart and all about the team for them. The only thing i may disagree with is the God statement. There are some players who thank God because they know its because of Him they are given the opportunity to do what they do. I agree with the fact that God does not care if you made a first down or snatched 2x bodyweight, but I think He appreciates giving thanks where its due. Great article

    November 19, 2010 at 1:54 pm

  5. WOW!!!!!
    You hit it right on the fuckin’ head. Every body these days wants to be a “Rock star”. For some reason the Youngsters of today need a parade when they take a shit. How about this for a change Pretend like you’ve done it before, a true badass is the guy/gal that wins and thanks her team, coach, whoever helped them…..not thenselves. Same goes for the coach, quit bragging on what you are about, let your athletes accomplishments do the talking. C’mon people lets get some humility.

    November 19, 2010 at 4:29 pm

  6. Drew

    Excellent article, thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    November 19, 2010 at 8:01 pm

  7. Bama X

    Damn well said… i.e., written.

    November 19, 2010 at 8:37 pm

  8. Brix

    This is awesome. I’ve often joked that when I properly set up a conference call at work, I’m going to break dance out in front of the cubicle, drop to a knee, and ask my coworkers to gather round and say of prayer of thanks with me.

    rock on dude

    November 20, 2010 at 11:43 pm

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  10. veni vidi vici

    i dunno.. perhaps nobody saw the thing on the news the other day where the high school kid ran a long ass touchdown , dropped to a knee pointed to the heavens for a SPLIT second then stood back up.. and got flagged for it.. now im not a christain by any means, but i think the whole situation was ridiculous in its entirity only due to the fact that he wasnt ALLOWED to celebrate. not to is supposed to be ENTERTAINMENT..AND I WAS DAMN SURE ENTERTAINED..hah…what happened to the days when people were praised for doing great outstanding things? i think were being taught from the very start of life that being about the group is more important that personal victory..and to me.. thats why theres so many lazy fucking children out there.. cause they know ..hey..if we dont do it, someone in our “group” will do it for us. there are no great leaders or generals, no amazing men to follow or idolize.. the julius ceasars, the napoleons, the sun tzu’s the Leonidas’s??? what happened to men being men? to making sure that WE OURSELVES are personally responsible for the outcome of a given situation. im not saying that the TEAM mentality should go.. im just saying we should exercise MORE personal responsibility instead of less.. and stop thanking gods for what WE accomplish and stop blaming DEVILS for what WE do from our own wickedness…and for fuck sake.. let em celebrate …”TO THE VICTOR GOETH THE SPOILS!”

    December 7, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    • Derek Brown

      I played rugby throughout high school and university. Over my short playing career I have scored many tri’s (equavalent to a touchdown in football). Even times I have caught the ball on a kick off, ran through the entire team and scored I didn’t jump around like an idiot celebrating because I had a good play. I can’t watch football or soccer because I get embarassed for the players jumping and dancing around like it was their first ever big play/tackle/touchdown…

      December 15, 2010 at 7:45 pm

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