Changing Your Identity
The idea for this post came to me while I was weighing my options as to how I could shake the Cartel assassins that were after me after a massive cocaine deal gone bad. They’d told me that they were “even going to kill the goldfish“, implying that no one around me was safe…
Actually that last part is only partially true, I was actually eating a hoagie from Mike and Emma’s and watching frilled neck lizards run on their hind legs on youtube (gets me every time), and I don’t even own a goldfish (obviously out of fear of the fate that they would succumb to if I were to botch a massive cocaine deal with the Cartel).
In any case the idea of changing your identity is something that I discuss frequently with my Coaching clients. Nine times out of ten we’re speaking figuratively, as will be discussed in this article. If you fall into the more literal camp though don’t worry, JP’s got a couple of Chinamen over on Arch street that can have you up and running with a passport, birth certificate, and library card while you wait for about a buck and a half.
Changing your identity in the context of this article refers to the concept of rewriting your story, creating a new you, not in some ephemeral, New Years resolution-y way, but actually forging a new, more powerful, more attractive, and more influential version of yourself through consistent action and dedication to the vision of the beast that you ultimately want to become.
A “feel good” phrase that is often dispensed by well-meaning folk seeking to impart their generic wisdom on others is:
This can be good advice.
For the lily white suburban kid walking around living his best Gucci Mane, or Jeezy impression, I would generally have to agree with this sentiment as being himself would have to be better than walking around as a living, breathing, self-deprecating caricature that is laughed at and ridiculed by those he’s trying to impress.
For many however, the notion of simply “being themselves” does not spark a tremendous amount of optimism for the future.
Think about it.
Do you want to “be yourself” if “yourself” sucks?
Now I’m not saying you suck, I’m just saying that you might think you suck… at least when it comes to certain things.
- Maybe you suck at saving or managing or even making money.
- Maybe you suck at getting laid, whether your’e single, married, divorced or otherwise.
- Maybe you suck at asserting yourself in your profession, or carrying yourself in a manner that others respect.
- Maybe you suck at confidently approaching women, or communicating to others in an influential manner.
- Maybe you suck at turning heads on the beach because your body is far from where you want it to be.
I could go on for days listing the various ways that you might think you suck.
My point here is that if you found yourself agreeing with any of the above, or recognizing your own lack of performance in any of those areas, “being yourself“, the current incarnation of you saddled with the limiting beliefs and years of reference experiences that created those beliefs, may not be the best course of action if you want to achieve success where you have previously been unable to.
“So what then? Am I supposed to be someone else?”
If you find that you’re lacking in some aspect of your life, that some piece or pieces are missing from the overall picture, it is imperative that you rewrite your story and create a new character for yourself that excels where the old you would have fallen short.
This is what I mean when I talk about changing your identity.
The strongest, and most influential beliefs that you possess are those about yourself and your ability or inability to accomplish certain tasks or reach certain objectives, these are referred to as your “Identity Beliefs”, and they can be a nasty, cankerous bitch.
The good news however is that, like any other limiting belief such as a simple generalization, identity beliefs can be destroyed and replaced with empowering beliefs that allow you to go forth and conquer, leaving a trail of hundred dollar bills, cigar butts, and quivering women with sex hair and ruined makeup in your wake.
We’re approaching the New Year, and that brings with it a load of introspection for most.
People “resolve” to make change in the coming months, whether to get in better shape, to make and save more money, to get better at certain skills, eliminate some bad habits, or get loads and loads more ass.
I bet at some point in your life that you too made a New Year’s resolution, at least one.
Now if you shared the experience of many others who have done the same, you may have found yourself right back where you started by the end of January if you even made it that far.
Anyone that’s been in the fitness business can tell you that New Year’s is a great time for revenue. Loads of people scurry in to the gym to sign up as they’ve resolved to get fit in the new year. Hell, the first few days of January you probably can’t move in the place it’s so packed.
The real gym rats are aware of this phenomenon however, and are comforted by the thought that if they just give it a week or two it’ll be back to how it was, with no waiting on equipment, and the gym floor populated by the same old faces that were there all of last year.
The “getting in shape” or “back in shape” resolution is just one example. I’m sure you can think of many others that are commonly adopted and later left fall to the wayside like so many dead prostitutes.
What makes people fail to follow through on their New Year’s resolutions?
If you said “they have shitty, limiting beliefs about their identity JP“, give yourself a pat on the back or treat yourself to a (live) prostitute, whichever is simpler for you at the moment, you’ve clearly been paying attention.
“So how do I get rid of shitty, limiting identity beliefs JP?“
That’s a good question.
Fortunately I have the answer for you, but before we determine the course of action for the fix we have to mow the lawn and find all of the snakes hidden in the grass.
Determining what limiting identity beliefs you possess is a fairly simple process. With Coaching clients this is accomplished during our initial work in “unpacking the box“, where I berate you with questions, dazzle you with my knowledge of Saved by the Bell trivia, and get to the bottom of who you are, who you want to be, and what you want to accomplish.
Once we’ve uncovered the culprits we slay them like so many magnificent dragons and I put you to work taking the actions necessary to rewrite your story with you as the ass-getting hero receiving the keys to the city in a lavish celebration put on by the townspeople.
How you can begin this process on your own is simple.
I want you to think about your life a year from now, assuming that you’ve absolutely dominated the time in between.
What would be different?
What would you have accomplished?
This is a variation of an exercise I do with new clients called “A Letter to a Friend” which is what I’ve found to be the absolute best way of extracting this information about your desired outcomes from your sexy brain.
Once you’ve jotted some things down about where you want to be in a year, I want you think about all the things that have prevented you from already being there, and all of the potential obstacles that you would encounter that may prohibit your accomplishment of each of the listed items.
What do you suck at?
What have you “never been good at”?
Do you want to get in fantastic, panty dropping shape, but you suck at staying consistent or pushing yourself adequately in your workouts?
BOOM!, limiting identity belief.
Do you want to become free from debt and have a nice chunk of money set aside or actively invested but you find yourself still living paycheck to paycheck despite having grown your income over the last few years because you suck at saving or managing your money?
BOOM!, limiting identity belief.
Do you want to be having class “A” sex on the regular but have trouble getting girls or getting your girl/wife to want to bang you because you’re just “not that type of dude when it comes to women”?
BOOM!, limiting identity belief.
The above are just a few common examples that I’ve encountered during my time working with clients around the world. It’s remarkable that the desires of man are so similar despite vast cultural and geographical differences.
Everyone wants more money, more muscle, and more sex
Aside from being a shameless plug of my upcoming book title, the above statement is the absolute truth.
The biggest obstacle that you will ever face that will prevent you from achieving the greatness that you’re capable of, and living a life of total abundance with regard to those three vital things, is, as Jordan Belfort says, “The bullshit story that you tell yourself as to why you can’t have it“.
I’m in the business of helping you rewrite that story once and for all.
This coming year I challenge you to change your identity; to rewrite your story with you as the hero.
What would the hero do?
How would the hero handle “X” situation?
Your station in life will not improve without action taken on your part.
You may have found yourself hating the kid born into wealth, with the “silver spoon in his mouth“, but you have to honestly ask yourself if you’re not acting as if someone or something is going to “do it for you” and make your dreams reality.
The only one that can set free the beast that lives dormant within you is you.
I can help expedite the hell out of the process, I have a wild set of keys and a dish of beast food set out to help coax the big guy out of there, but as my clients will tell you, my foot stays lodged in their ass (literally where geographically possible if the foot-fisting option is selected offline) as I drive them to stick to the plan that we create to guide them to their greatness.
Fuck a New Year’s resolution.
Fuck them in their dirty asses, they’re the shake weights of commitments, all hype and no result.
Commit to changing your identity this year and make some fucking noise.